Poems 2003 to 2007

2008

Yesterday you sent me love,

So many petals scattered

We lay in each others' arms

The afterimage of your eyes

Is imprinted in mine

Your soft kisses of goodbye

Gently eased the sorrow

Today, your words are brief

Your kisses are neatly lined

I can not sense the truth

I feel your hand hold mine

Are you just tired

Or will you ask your words

Back home without me?

Wednesday, 28 May 2008 8:44:55 PM

2007

"Meet Me On The Pier" 18 March 2007 Take two

And action

I open the door, you smile at the camera,

The stars that guide you guide me too

Fast forward

We climb the stairs

Rewind

Your fingers kiss

Pause

A moment there

Slow mo replay

In my arms

You rise

I fall

Quiet

From crying laughter

Play Animation sequence

Our naked love Is born

Lip-Sync

My mouth fills with your taste

My heart is full of night,

Fade to white

Your sleepy breathing

Offers me a fall

Make-up!

Then a height

Jenny is the set ready?

Across the sea the boat lights shine

The stars that guide them guide me too

Zoom, then blur

To the touch of your lips on mine

Can't wait for the rushes

Roll credits

"My darling, for your love I thank you"

Jenny

For God's sake love!

Meet me in the water

Come with me upon our bed

Dissolve

Even if the evening wind

Catches our last breath

Lower lights please

I want to sleep beneath your weight

Under the same roof

Is there something you can't see

Strobe transitions

Are dreams your truth?

End titles commence

“What if what you do

Kills the love of those who love you?”

Close up

I look in to the sorrow of your gaze

Flash fade

In ecstatic fear you close your eyes

Freeze frame

Jen!

Meet me on the pier,

Or in the water

Where it meets the sky.

Fade to grey

Meet me in the shadows of our love

Silence please we're almost finished

And greet me in the kisses of goodbye.

And cut

The Map

Sitting in a café

The woman

Behind me

Has walked out

Half drunk

Hot chocolate

Plays on the radio

Where we had touched

Is visible today

But the traces of you

Shall soon

Be washed away

The map of our journey

Like a small island

In the strong morning light

Suggests a world

Without you

Punctures

This peace

I am crushed beneath the desert sands

Drowned in the rivers that have run from us

Through the Garden Of Eden

To a land of silence

I am lost

Down stream

“I feel a bit resentful”

“I imagine you do”

“I feel cursed,

To be with someone

Who is not you"

“I'm sorry, I shall leave reminders of me

And will always remember you.

You've been so understanding”

“I have no option”

“Well goodbye then”

A man jumps through the café door and startles the waitress

He laughs and says “You don't look like you appreciated that”

My house keeper cleans

All traces of you shall be gone

We will both fade in to the list of lovers

Whose dreams we learned to forget

I will sit in a café

Recognise you in a mirror

You'll notice nothing

I will not reach out

To touch you

I will wonder

What all this was about

And this will be the only evidence

Of my sadness

Simon Smith 24 March 2007

The End of Forever

I just got your goodbye call

Citing reasons

As you had warned

“It's better that we're not together”

The power lines of love and laughter

Severed

Now mark the end of “forever”

The day rubs slow around my body

God counts every tear

That skews the view

Of where you slept upon my bed

And where once lay a dream I had of you

I've put your things in far off places

I mustn't see them anymore

Then one day

When I don't need you

You'll come to me

But not

Before

I put one foot

In front of the other

And work the day to its bone

I wonder if you still me miss me

My heart would dial words upon your phone

And awaits a message of reprieve

But no one will come

For the love and happiness we share

I take the pain and with love I bare

And slowly move in to a place

Where my mind no longer sees your face

23/11/2007 For Sylvia

2004

Lest we forget

I heard you turn away
Your leaving gently freed
The thoughts that fall and rise like sleeping
breathing in me,
The shallow hollow of words agreed

I have the truth and it is wrong
I would believe your kind
Appeasing kisses
Lying upon my bed
Your breathing is strong,
Long,
Once gone
It smells of broken dreams

I read your thoughts upon the moon light
You'll escape through the covers
Shadows chased us to this moment
In time
For a long time
You whisper to a dream that I am yours
While you gesture you're not and will never be mine.
Again
The moon struck a shadow
Upon these words
Where it was light you laughed
Silence betrayed the rest
And what was left was hushed
And marked
" Lest we forget"

09/08/2005

Four kisses

I do not fear death
I fear losing you though
There was a life before we met
And this life
With the you that I know
Your love, like a dying soul
Has lost its memory
And you may be gone soon
But this connection
Is four kisses wide
And a thousand
Painful missed
Kisses deep

I will wait for you a while
I will hold our breath
I will hold you 'til you
Dream without me
Until you no longer
Hold me

Then these four kisses
Will tell of what you cared
To forget
And I wish you'd remember.

X X X X - Each for our connection
between mind, body, heart and soul. To A

20/06/2005

4 nights

You're asleep one thousand miles away
I feel your head weigh quiet upon my shoulder
Your fading breath rises to darkness
This is the sky that connects us

Your face turns towards me
Your lips touch mine in passing
Your breath enters me
Draws me deeper into our dreams

I feel the pain you sleep upon
The fast of misunderstanding's echoes
40 days and 40 years
And 4 nights of pain remain

In the darkness
Holding you
I await

24th December 2004 - To A

Breakfast memory

The bread is as we left it this morning
Its slices have draped themselves in to the shape of a figure sleeping
Breakfast debris across the table, a movement forgotten
Has dreamt of nothing since we silenced this house of laughter

The winter light has brushed the shadows
To extremes of yearning
From the rush
To the hush of our departure

I will sleep upon stones when you're not with me
In the morning your half opened eyes will heal me
In the tea we pour is our compassion
In the bread that we eat is our daily life
Shared in the love of morning.

07/12/2004 - To A

Calling you

You stand in this public place
For privacy
You're at the top of the stairs talking on your mobile phone
I pass you
I want to step in to your arms, back first, look round
My closed mouth stroking across your face

The signal is bad

The staircase is white
I can't stop my self from singing
"She's buying a stairway to heaven"
But actually I feel it's me who's started making offers
But ended up begging.

As I work
Your dark figure wraps around my mind
I want to keep you in the corner of my eye
But your eyes pour tears into mine

When we are distant I close my eyes
To affirm your intention of non participation
But when you are near
I want to feel you empty yourself within me
Your heaviness upon me

Boots and a skirt I can not help but laugh

You ask me to sing a song for you
My heart and breath serenade habitual dark longing echoes
But from where you are there is just the sound of a voice saying

"Hello I can't hear you
Can you hear me?"

And then just silence.

To A and EH
© Simon Smith London September 2004

These days are not for ever

These days are not for ever
They will slide in to our history
Like paper on a river
One day they'll float out to sea

These days are gonna float away

Sometimes you'll be here
Taking my heart
Some days you'll feel here
At the start

But come to me
And you'll feel my heart despair
And my breath upon your neck
And my face against your hair

Sometimes you'll feel that the night is dark as ice
And the love we had is all we had to guide us to paradise

The darkest night will come to you
No matter where you hide
It's part of life she says to me
As she takes me inside

But the darkest night
Can be warm inside
Can be warm
For you and I

We live in a world
Where strangers come
And greet us like old friends
They come with gifts that make us feel good
And leave us to defend against the hatred

31 / 07 / 04

Leaning evening

I lean out my window to feel the warm air brush me with good news.

My neighbours are laughing,

Another's barking dog is hushed

His name escapes down the street

"Archie!"

Then it is quiet

The smell of cooked food from a thousand gardens pleads with me

I look along the path for a hungry neighbour

Car light search lights warn me

Of a curfew's virtue

I keep my room dusky for now

Wrapped in shadowed blurriness

A cyclist treads slow past my window

The wind's low

My papers rustle to the floor

And these trees echo the gentle shiverings

16/06/2004
© Simon Smith

The poems beyond this point are mainly laid out chronollogically and are unedited for now.

2003

You read my words
But my voice is as silent as light
My heart darts in
And out of shadows
Between buildings
Photographs of me are falling from trees
But to you they are merely leaves

To you I am a doubt
You look for a face
Through the eyes of a mask
I am a soldier of infedility
Carrying the light of mystery
In to your version of reality

Written with the help of an online friend "Rachel"
27th March 2003

I am alone at my place.
Your joke walks in the room
We break the silence
Your fingers trace laughter lines
That bind me to you
Moments snatched and stretched linger
I am frightened by their enormity
And confused by this feeling's simplicity

I fell backwards into the river
Your arms catch me unaware
Where I expected to be shocked
Is a wave of calm silently washing over me.

18th May 2003

You are spinning slowly in the corner of my eye
A crowd gathers around, applauds your beauty
I feel the emptiness drone through
Your audience is smiling, gazing at your eyes
You walk off stage, no one has seen you
My eyes are full of tears seeping through a dream

I am standing above a seated woman
She faces away from me
I breathe in her scent
Breathing in a memory

"I have waited ten life-times to meet you
I am willing to wait 10 more"
Breathing memories between lives
Two swans swim in the black sky river
I recognise your beauty in this silence

May 24th 2003

Everything that dies
Comes to sleep in dreams
The bright sun light shines
I dance this way
I dance that way
With you for a second
The heat reaching up
I'm scared of the fear
How many hands have passed upon your face?
Fading life, failing light, words insight
My finger follows the journey of your smile
To a life reserved.
But not for me

A dog in the evening sunlight smells the air
I dance a circle around him
His eyes half close
I push my face into his neck
I am connected to you
Through everything anywhere.

It does not matter that you aren't there.

May 27th 2003

I step left

Your sword rushes air upon my face
Slow motion moments are drawing quietly

It is not death that strikes fear through me
But your wish to help me die in agony

Your eyes search for weakness
Mine sense your yearning

I sway my right side away from you
Your imbalance is an opportunity

You start to fall, your face sleeps
You dream of surrendering

Your hands grip ever harder
We do not plan to die

Only the moment slides.

28th May 2003

She walks out of our home
"I'll probably be back later, when will you be out?" The place is a mess.

I feel calm, slightly sad, not sure what to do with my self.
Not panicking, but waiting for a compulsive urge to search her out
I have been searching for her for 9 years and have not found her
I mourned for her throughout this whole time

Here at the end of the grieving she closes the door but takes the keys
"Relationships don't end they just change" I said when I asked her to leave

It's a windy grey rainy landscape we stand in
These cross roads are painted across my mind (they cross in anger, our paths keep crossing, separating ways, and crossing our hearts).
Where we crucify our love and pray for it to rest in peace or find resurrection, and for it to forgive our trespasses.

Goodbye means God be with you
And in every goodbye is an echo of every goodbye we endured.

22/06/2003

Words written on my mobile phone while driving through America

It doesn't matter that you're not here
That you don't call me
Or tell me where you are,
You're in my mind still
Moving through the world.

Missing you,
You are sleeping 6000 miles away.
Can you feel my sadness?

l would call you but you are happier dreaming.
As you wake I lay my head to rest.
Our heads are together briefly.

l reach out but you are already preparing for your day.
So I close my eyes and dream you are with me.

DREAM:

You and I are talking
I notice you are starting to cry.
l give you a gesture of a hug and unlike in real life you reciprocate.

Then we are standing / sitting on a railway line
As I move closer you move away almost unconsciously
So I tell you and you laugh, then you move towards to me.

Dream Ends

We are all looking for someone to fall in to.
Some one who we still think is beautiful after our lust has gone.
Someone we can trust not to betray us
Who can hold us close in their mind when we aren't there.
Someone we can fall in to.
Who like a trampoline
Will help us to land safely and bounce back again.

It is enough to be near you

Late July to eary August 2003

I can not read the words in front of me

I Listen for the sound of your key turning in the door

I Walk through the house looking for you

I Listen for your voice

Every taxi that pulls up

I hope carries you on a compulsive quest

I Want to bring you what you need

I Want to help you where I can

But you will not enter,
Will not speak,
Will not ask
And will not trust me.

9th August 2003

I can not bear that you're not here

Each tear that falls from my eyes

Hits true

Upon you like a pin

And though I want for you and I to be together

Neither of us knows whether that's a dream

Sliding away from reality

Tonight driving through the hot drunk crowds of a Saturday in August

My throat felt constricted by an invisible hand

My chest felt squeezed tight

I wanted to be gently sleeping next to you

Your legs resting around me until the heat became too much.

The whole world could disappear.

Tonight I entered my dark house alone

No cats, lover, lodgers or friends to greet me,

But notions of love hold me upright

I mourn you so much in this silence.

I know I will be happy again

I will hold you tomorrow maybe

Yet one day we will part forever

And tonight I am remembering that

And all the other love that washed upon me

Then fled with the moon.

10th August 2003

A million people sit together, alone waiting.
Listening for their lost one's key to turn
Looking out the window at every passing taxi
In case their love is returning
Walking through every room to see if they've come home
Finding only sunlight cast across their bed

Fear racks through every pore,
A slight sweat that is too warm
No hunger -
The D diet (depression, divorce, distance, dislocated, disenchanted)

In dreams she is still here.
I will sleep until I come alive again

15th august 2003

You sleep in white rooms

Time ticks slowly from

This way

I turn and time moves slower still

Nine years have passed

Memories move me

Vivid as yesterday

I watch you sleeping

Nine years ago

This morning

I can not tell the difference

We are sleeping in white rooms

Seasons swirl in circles slowly round us

Their colours lightly touch the wall

I kiss you gently

But you do not stir

13 September 2003

Poems from the
Microsoft greetings Card commission

Here's a link to the one that made it

Someone from Microsoft called me on friday and asked if I could prepare a poem for Monday. I came up with about 25 ideas over the weekend. Here's a couple from the short list.

November 2002

This next poem was meant to be about my relationship with "my talent" .... erhum .... well that's what they asked for.

We will meet on Bridges across the Thames at 5 am
In smoky bars you'll capture my heart and
At dawn let it go again
You inspire my children in laughter
Take my thoughts and turn them in to others
Lay gifts at the root of my journeys
Trickle miracles through my fingers
Bring words of peace to troubles
Read poetry in the darkness
Sing silence within me
Give to receive me
Your love to
Teach me
Let me
Be

November 24th 2002

The cold air stroked across my face,
Someone joined the gathering
The warm, damp breath of cattle
Hushed shuffling and mutterings

Upon the straw bed that was mine
That I had layed fresh this day
Water trickled
Like a miracle

"{It's beautiful but} it's freezing out there"
I look through the window at the silent {moonlit} land {that I call home}
I am reflected in the glass, like the ghost of summers past
I {swivel around to} / {look back at} the windows on my screen
See the places where my dreams have been born laughing to the world
Tonight I'll take the words we said and bounce them to the moon and back

{Just for the crack}

{I used to stand alone } {I stood alone}
But now the connections permeate my meaning
Those soulful eyes across the world have looked upon me
And filled me with the freedom joy brings and the gratitude of being

Somewhere beneath the snow lie a billion seeds waiting
And every star above me is a soul queuing to live

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