Simon's Diary
UK Tour 2002
Day 18
Wednesday 18th April 2002
I'd been warned that Scotland is cold and rainy and to expect a biting wind when I visited Edinburgh, but of course I'm telling you that because my experience was the opposite. We're having a mini summer in the UK, it is possibly the only Summer we're going to get, but we're living in hope.
Last night we'd arrived in Lanark in the dark so as we drove to Edinburgh we were struck by the moorland and strange hilly landscape we'd missed coming in. Perhaps one of the revelations this tour has given me is just how beautiful Britain is in places. Having seen bigger and more vividly coloured landscapes in other countries it's easy to forget just how much there is to offer at home. It got me wondering why so many British people go abroad for their holidays and one of the things I thought was that it's not particularly about the weather or the scenery, but partly about the freedom to escape ones own mundaneness. Being in Britain means remaining within a culture we know too well and going abroad means shedding a skin, all be it temporarily.
Edinburgh a view from the castle
Parts of Edinburgh have a similar feeling to Central London, with its large buildings and wide roads, so even though I was impressed by its architectural grandeur and sense of style it still felt very familiar. The girls, need I say, went off by themselves, while Colin and I checked out Edinburgh Castle. One of the things that came out of seeing it was the sense of conflict with the English that permeates Scotland's history.
Stained glass from the oldest building in the castle.
All the other buildings from this period were destroyed by the Scottish
so
the English couldn't make use of them, the only one left standing was
the chapel.
Edinburgh Castle's lower area towards the Officer's Mess
The irony of the term United Kingdom hits home when one travels around the UK because you experience how, for instance, the Cornish see themselves as detached from the rest of the country as do the Welsh, the North, the Midlands, and so on. Britain is a very divided nation, it's divided through historical conflict, the distribution of wealth and power, race, culture, class, religion, politics, and a whole load more issues. Beneath the veneer of tolerance lies a lot of mixed feelings. So it is between the Scottish and English. I feel while I am here as if I am a foreigner and because I'm English a little unwelcome, though that could just be paranoia. It's not that people aren't nice, it's more a case of an awareness of something below the surface, ready to bubble up if I say the wrong thing.
Me in front of the castle
The highlight of the day was in fact somebody else saying the wrong thing, although I didn't catch it at first. When people first meet me they often worry about saying or doing something that pertains to hands. Personally I am very unlikely to take offense and would rather people just be themselves. Anyway I was in a cafe at the Castle and had rang up my bank so I could arrange an overdraft in order to buy something to eat there. Extortionate prices for food at tourist attractions is a gripe of mine. I just about managed to afford a cup of tea, biscuit, and a portion of chips (£4.40!- call the police someone!). Halfway through the chips I got a bit bored so went to the Chip server in the canteen to get some ketchup.
"Hi can I have some ketchup please" I said to the woman
"Surely. How many do you want? Do you want a hand"
"Two please" I said
The woman laughed, then I clicked. She'd beaten me at my own game because normally if someone mentions giving a hand etc... I might make a joke, possibly saying "two please", but this time I had been referring to the ketchup sachets. She seemed quite relaxed about it and could see the funny side too, and for me the sense of being on the same wavelength whilst laughing at having our wires crossed really made me laugh..
Maid Marion and the ketchup
(Is she doing a Kenneth Williams impersonation?)
This child shrieked "Where's your arms", I smiled politely and
then her mother almost murdered her out of embarrassment. I said to not
worry about it. Little did she know that just to make a point I thought
I'd name and shame the child anyway......(evil laugh)............ hope
you don't mind?
Can you tell what it is yet? (Run your cursor over it to see)
Earlier when we'd parked the car outside the Castle Nikki had opened the car door and banged it (apparently the wind blew it) against the vehicle next to ours. There wasn't a dent or scratch left but some of my paint was smudged on it. We'd tried to rub most of it off but a small amount was left including a nice clean area where we'd all been rubbing. It looked as if it would buff off so I didn't leave a note, otherwise the owner may have taken me for an unnecessary ride, all the way to my bank! This meant avoiding being near the car at all costs when the driver returned. As I approached my car at the end of the day I watched the other car pull away, and once I could see no note on my car regarding the matter I felt a deep sense of relief. So much for having morals!
A man of honor in the reflection of my car
A good cafe in Edinburgh for cheapish tasty munchies
Helen and Nikki rejoined us and Helen guided us to a cafe She'd been been to before. Whilst eating our meal Nikki indicated for me to surreptitiously look over my shoulder at the woman behind me. As I did I caught in the corner of my eye a naked breast. Quite usurreptitiously I had to look again. Darwin was probably right, as proved when I realised that the breast was in fact a photograph of a gorilla's chest printed on to an apron the woman was wearing. I said something to her and we got chatting. A few moments later the glass her daughter was holding shattered which I put down to "adolescent parental embarrassment syndrome". APES for short (OK I know it's weak but I am trying).
Mmmmmmmm
After all this excitement Helen decided to take us to, surprise surprise, a gay bar. I went and sat on a sofa to rest my weary tourist body, and waited for the others to join me. Before they did a couple of women asked if they could join me. This never happens to me in straight bars!
Caroline and Marrella
One of them, Caroline, was obviously a bit drunk and very loud. I took this as an exercise in humility, and anyway no one knows me around here, so I sat there trying, unsuccessfully, not to look ill at ease. At one point I asked Caroline to speak a bit quieter, which was somewhat a mistake! "SO YOU WANT ME TO BE A BIT QUIETER DO YE? WELL TUFF I'M NO' GONNA BE QUIET! OKAAAAAAY?"
"That's OK, you speak as loud as you want. I don't mind at all" I said while thinking please God shut her up.
Meanwhile the other woman, who was also half cut, told me she didn't normally come to these places and was not gay. Caroline said she was here on the orders of Marrella's mother, who was her boss, to protect her, and with that she gave me a "don't try a thing" look.
Meanwhile Marrella was topping her drink up with a personal supply of Bailey's Cream Liquor she had hidden in her handbag. I was very impressed. However given that half the people in the bar were watching us including Nikki, Helen and Colin who were laughing at me, this was not one of the most sensible crimes I've ever seen.
A bit later we all decide to head off home, the two women I had been with said they were going to go as well. Outside as I waited for my lot to come out (excuse the pun), Marrella offered a small kiss good-bye. I'm not sure what was to come but as I leant across I notice about 20 faces, some with cameras at the ready, peering at me from the window. Nikki and Helen apparently had summoned the customers to come and see if I'd get a kiss goodbye. I of course have a partner and would never allow anyone to snog me good-bye! (Hello or for good luck is OK though). Chance would be a fine thing.
Helen, Nikki and Colin
Here's a few pictures I did today, well it is meant to be an art tour.
Angel
Woman in a room
Doorway